We are the dwarves - of Thorin's band,
Our greedy thoughts now often linger
On the gleam of our gold - in a far-away land,
That slipped right through our stubby fingers.
But it weren't our fault - no, not the least,
With Smaug in our vaults - such a fiery beast.
We swallowed our pride and started to run,
As he burnt all our kin to kingdom come (repeated by Balin the dwarf in baritone: 'burnt all our kin to kingdom come').
-- Yes, 'Elrond's Soliloquoy is a Shakespeare filk. We cater to all kinds here.
ELROND'S SOLILOQUOY
An Elf or not an Elf...that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler to be mortal and suffer
The twinges and hair-loss of mankind's fortune,
Or to take up Elfdom and unlimited potential,
and by inference become immortal. An Elf - to sleep no more -
Because Elves rarely sleep given their high metabolism.
But there is heartburn - a thousand years of eating lembas -
Does not aid in my digestion. 'Tis not a bowel movement
One would wish on an enemy. And sheep - the sheep that yearn to dream -
Ah, I've lost count. For in that count of sheep no dreams may come,
While snuggly mortals coil soundly 'neath comforters and nap without pause,
There's only insomnia that makes a calamity of so long a life...
-- Sung by Orcs, 'O Crispy Tree' is a take-off of 'O Christmas Tree'.
O CRISPY TREE!
O Crispy tree, O Crispy tree,
Burnt Dwarves atop thy branches!
O Crispy tree, O Crispy tree,
Burnt Dwarves atop thy branches!
It reeks of scorching wizard's beard,
But in the warmth we still find cheer.
O Crispy tree, O Crispy tree,
Burnt Dwarves atop thy branches!
No use to chop to get our crop -
They're sure to drop before they pop!
O Crispy tree, O Crispy tree,
Burnt Dwarves atop thy branches!
-- 'Hobbit Toes' takes us on a sentimental journey through the dark side of Nat King Cole's 'A Christmas Song'.
HOBBIT TOES
Gandalf roasting on an open fire,
Dwarf beards singed below their nose.
Hobbit feet burnt up in the pyre,
And Orcs await the afterglow -
Everybody knows -
That turkey tastes like Hobbit toes,
Or chicken fingers fried just right.
'Tater-tots and mushrooms I'm told
Are the perfect sides for Baggins tonight…
The Legend of Sexton Kilfoil ©1987 GJM
There was an old trestle near the house where I once lived
A little bit of country in the heart of a suburban kid
Played chicken on the tracks or catching a ride on the train
We didn't get too far, but we never came back just the same
This is where I smoked my first cigarette
A little taste of freedom and a headache was all that you'd get
Just some bored teenagers with some joints by the creek
Guitars in the meadow, skipping school for a week
And love was there in the shade of the overpass
Yes, love was there in my arms on the moonlit grass
( Read more... )
THEY EAT THEIR OWN © 1996 By GJM
Welcome to my parlor
Said the spider to the fly
We can feed the hungry masses
With the meat that you’ll supply
Let me bear you heavy burden
While I slowly suck your talent dry
And I shall bang the funeral drum
When it comes time for you to die
All you dream and all you own
Suck the marrow from flesh and bone
They eat their own
( Read more... )
The Tale of the Accounting Sheep © 1997 by GJM
Time clock punching, business lunching,
Number crunching budgetary lies.
You've had your fill of rumor mills
Like poison quills around the office fly.
What has become of this brilliant career?
What were the strange paths that led me here?
Four-year degrees and divorce decrees,
Over and over again...
( Read more... )
The Emperor's New Clothes ©1995 GJM
The emperor has got new clothes
And the court will comply
With a most gracious reply
It's the rage for those in the know
The fawning elite now repair
To purchase the weave
And to tug at the sleeve
Of their sovereign's trendy wear
( Read more... )
Daddy doesn't live with mommy anymore,
Did it take too much to give, you couldn't give it anymore?
And mommy doesn't speak with daddy face-to-face,
She needs to keep her distance 'cos she wants to have her space--
And the space is like a vacuum that sucks my feelings dry,
Takes every ounce of energy to hide the tears I cry--
When they've gone their separate ways,
I get a piece of them on visitation days,
A bit of each of them on visitation days.
( Read more... )
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